Q: Dear Todd, I have been trying meditation for at least a couple of years, reading books and blogs, and studying Buddhist teachings, yet I feel no different than I ever have. I want to feel a connection, I want to feel safer, loved, and be in communion with my spirit. What am I doing wrong?

TODD ANSWERS: I wonder what kind of meditation you’ve been doing because different kinds will get different results. But often it’s the yearning for some change that can prevent it. A desire for a certain experience can often block us from the freedom from desire, which is what we’re really all searching for. It is the tight grip of attachment to an outcome that prevents the deep relaxation we’re looking for. The tight grip becomes a tension and stress all on its own.

The best thing to do is let go of all desires with meditation. Meditation is the one activity that is about just being present. Let it be, let it flow, and let go.

Most importantly, make sure you bring that meditative state to the rest of your day. Do your best to make a habit of being present, relaxed, and alert. Stay aware of your thoughts and your breath. And stay aware of what you’re doing. Think of meditation as the opportunity to be present without distractions, and then use the rest of your day to try and be present with all the distractions of daily life.

I’ve written some blogs on different types of meditations and the different benefits each has. I hope it helps.