Q: Dear Todd, in my case, all my stress and chronic anxiety come from insecurities and a lack of self-worth. I’m selfish and unkind to people sometimes, but it’s not because I want to be; it’s because of how I feel about myself. Every moment of my life, I feel I’m not enough and am always afraid of failing. So I stress and stress, can’t sleep, and end up failing. I’ve identified the problem, but I don’t know how to fix it.

TODD ANSWERS: First of all, don’t be so hard on yourself. This is the human condition. We treat others how we feel. If we are angry, we show anger. If we hurt, we hurt others. What matters is what we do after learning this truth.

Second, notice how all this angst stems from your desire to be perfect and make sure others think you’re perfect too. When you become free from this desire, the pressure ceases.

To become free from perfectionism, you must stop desiring perfection. Accept flaws instead. Embrace mistakes. This is freedom. And, it’s the freedom to actually learn and improve from those mistakes. Confidence comes not from being incredible, but from accepting yourself totally. You’re never too old to change and it’s never too late to show kindness, even to someone you’ve wronged.