What is happiness? Is it getting what we want? Is it chemicals in our brain that can be altered with substances? Is it positive thoughts and emotions? Or, is it something more?
As humans, we have two modes of being: going and resting. Often, even when we are physically resting, our mind is going. When we are going, we are chasing after what we want and we are running away from what we fear.
Going is wonderful. Our bodies need us to be going so that we go get food, go find a mate, go acquire resources, and go have some fun. We also need to go away from tigers, bears, and tall cliff edges.
The problem is, we are more than a physical body. To be truly happy, we need balance. Our body needs rest, but so does our mind. If our mind cannot rest, then we start to break down like a car that never stops going full speed.
Just to quiet our mind, we will start to rely on entertainment that puts us in a trance. But our mind hasn’t become quiet, it has only been hijacked by exciting (stressful) shows and films, or negative news and social media.
Substances may give us temporary relief from thinking, but they often put stress on our body and can very easily become crutches.
The more we turn to something outside of us for mental rest, the more dependent we become and the more we have to chase. This keeps us trapped in the constant going. (If pleasures are turning into addiction and craving, this video is for you.)
If we look carefully at our lives, we will notice that things don’t actually make us happy. Why do we get excited for a vacation days or weeks before it starts? Why are we sad after the vacation is over? Because all of our feelings start and end with the mind.
What we are really looking for is not success or pleasure or good feelings. What we are really craving is rest — deep, profound, healing rest that penetrates deep within our soul. Rest and stillness have no opposite. They are our centered state. There is no oscillation between happiness and sadness when we reside in the deep and lasting peace that is our true nature.
Every other animal knows this peace. An animal in the wild may run away from a tiger, but as soon as the chase is over, they shake it off and get back to peace. They give themselves the rest they need. There are no therapists in the animal kingdom, they just know how to rest and recover.
We also know this deep down. That is why advertisers spend trillions of dollars to make us forget and think that some product or service will give us the fulfillment we crave. When we are at peace, we discover a greater joy than anything else on Earth. It is inherent to who we are, dependent on nothing.
Positive thoughts and emotions naturally arise when we are in this present state of inner rest. Creativity flourishes with this newfound freedom from fear. Our brain chemistry naturally resets when it has a chance to heal. This is true happiness, and it is available 24/7.
Every thought, desire, and fear is the ego. It is a figment of your mind. It is not real. Your grudges and disagreements, your pride and shame, are not you. They are the activity of the ego. When you can remember this, you rise above the mental storm. This is happiness.
One of the greatest sources of unhappiness in this world is the loss of a loved one. It is like having the rug pulled out from underneath you, getting kicked in the gut by a horse, and being knocked down a never-ending staircase. If you or someone you love is grieving, there is now a free resource on grief and loss at the EastWesticism website. For people in grief, I know it seems like your world is collapsing, but our ancestors have found ways of surviving this immense loss. I hope their wisdom helps you as well.
Much love,
Todd
PS – I wrote an article on how my time at a Buddhist monastery became one of the most transformative spiritual experiences of my life. You can read it here.
