If you feel like you were meant to live in a group of loving, supportive people, that’s not an accident. It is hardwired in our DNA. Human beings for 99% of human history survived by living in tribes, villages and close-knit communities. This is why we feel loneliness and crave companionship.

Today, it has become much more difficult to connect and form deep and meaningful relationships. What used to be natural is no longer natural. And so we have to both make peace with the loneliness, and make an effort to keep putting ourselves out there to meet new people, whether it’s for friendship or romance. There are two types of actions we have to take to deal with loneliness: internal action and external action. I talk in depth about this in my latest podcast.

But here’s the secret to forming those bonds: we must stop desiring those bonds. Desire leads to longing and craving, which leads to jealousy of other people, fear of not getting what we want, and a desperation for those things we crave which blinds us from actually being able to get those things.

The secret to starting our soul fam is to only want what is happening right now. The key to attractive confidence is not needing anything except for whatever this moment presents. It means loving the journey of friendship making, not just longing for the end result. It means getting excited for 50 bad first dates because we know it means that we’re getting closer to finding the one. To get where we want to go, we have to first accept where we are.

Here’s what I would like you to do:

1. Make “extra” your mantra. Be extra loving to yourself. Extra kind to yourself. Extra kind to others. And put extra focus on how the world’s kindness shines back at you.
   
   
2. Recognize the ability within you to change your thoughts, change your attention, and change how you’re feeling. Practice some guided, intentional, directed thinking. Discover that ability to use the mind, not just let it run amok all the time like a bull in a china shop. Here’s a meditation for you.

Much love,

Todd