You may not know it, but I am by nature a very private person. Even on my spiritual journey that took me around the world, I never posted about my travels. I understand the stress that social media can cause when people see others posting their travel photos, and I didn’t want to contribute to that.
But then I met the remarkable woman who would become my wife. She was shocked that a writer, performer, and full-time talker such as myself didn’t already have a YouTube channel and podcast. She in fact was the person who first encouraged me to share my thoughts online, as she convinced me that my story could really help people.
So I started to open up. I began sharing my observations about spirituality, life, and the nature of mind. And, judging from the overwhelming response I received, it was indeed helping.
Recently, she encouraged me to open up even further, conveying that how I apply these principles to my daily life can provide far more benefit than the lessons alone. As a storyteller, I know that she’s right again. So that is what I will be doing more of in my newsletters. So here we go.
Last week, I was at a live music show with some dear friends. Live music is one of my favorite pastimes. There in the very front row was a fighting couple screaming at each other louder than the musicians on the stage. She would scream something and then he would yell back, and this ball of chaotic energy would be bounced back and forth for much of the evening like a game of volleyball.
We all know the feeling of being yelled at, of unkind words being spoken to us. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to not let cruel words affect you? It’s almost impossible. Unconsciously, we are mirrors for other people’s energy. When someone shows us cruelty, we reflect cruelty back to them. When others are kind, we respond with kindness.
While it’s nice and pleasant to be surrounded by kindness, being a mirror is a form of slavery. We inescapably become upset by cruelty. We let other people’s behavior affect us immensely. And we inadvertently let the cruelest people steal our joy and kindness away from us.
It feels very liberating to not be a slave in reaction to your thoughts or other people’s thoughts. In fact it is the only true form of freedom.
So here are three ways to hold onto your happiness and take back your power:
- Recognize cruelty as a mental illness.
There is nothing sane about the unkind rantings and ravings of a person. Just because there is no official medical diagnosis for “jerk” doesn’t mean it’s sane. Someone screaming or being intentionally hurtful is clear evidence that they are having a nervous breakdown. - Allow the words to pass by you without acceptance or rejection
We are used to treating people like sane and rational adults. It is natural to try to understand where people are coming from. But when someone is being excessively negative and irrational, it would be equally irrational to try to understand them. Instead, imagine you are looking at them with headphones in your ears. You can hear mumblings and sense their energy, but the words are of little importance. This is how we can not be negatively affected by people who are clearly suffering. - Remain compassionate for the sick.
I wish “jerk” was an official medical diagnosis. It is not healthy for the person, their relationships, or for society. If it were deemed a medical condition, we as family members and friends would find it much easier to remain compassionate. Instead, we often respond to jerks with anger and hatred. So remember, they are the result of immense trauma and suffering. Healthy and well adjusted people do not treat others unkindly. The way people are is rarely a choice. We are all doing our best. Mental illness often goes undiagnosed and even close family members fail to see it after many years. So always remember that we do not know what other people are struggling with, their unkindness is a sign of their pain, and we can always provide the compassionate care (albeit sometimes from a safe distance) that everyone deserves.
Much love,
Todd
