4 Tips for Anger Management
To work on oneself, to admit our flaws, to face them head on and to overcome them takes the greatest courage there is.
We only yell out and act out in rage because we have lost ourselves and our composure. Because we fail to know how to use our words to communicate clearly.
In meditation and mindfulness, we can remain at peace, we can think clearly, and can communicate effectively.
Tip 1) Respond With Strength And Compassion
Q: Dear Todd, The challenge or difficulty I face with anger is of a different kind. I very rarely allow myself to vocalize my anger; instead, I seethe internally. However, this poses a problem as I struggle to release the anger, feeling as if I lack an outlet.
Todd Answers: We definitely need some time to destress and it can look like meditation, alone time, anywhere you can sneak in some peace and quiet. Infuse that anger with love and you will be able to tell anybody anything that needs to be said calmly, compassionately and yet firmly.
Tip 2) Bring Presence And Awareness to Your Emotions
Q: Dear Todd, in the midst of strong emotions, like real, raw anger, I literally forget everything and am not able to control my temper. What can I do to fight that?
Todd Answers: It takes time to develop any new habit, but every single time you can bring just a second of presence and awareness to that emotion, you are slowly developing that new habitual reaction of calm.
One thing you can try to do when you are sitting alone and have some time is to close your eyes and think of a situation in the past or a potential situation in the future that you know will trigger those heavy emotions and visualize how you wish to respond.
Think about that trigger to the point where you can’t help but visualize yourself overreacting, and then sit with it until you find a way to react calmly. Think, “How can I react in the most effective and beneficial way possible?” Let me know how that works for you and go easy on yourself.
Tip 3) Don’t Resist the Emotions, Witness Them
Q: Dear Todd, What could we do when somebody makes us angry and makes us want to react the way they do?
Todd Answers: When someone engages in hurtful behavior, we do our best to witness the painful emotions within us arising, witness our thoughts, and not resist them or be angry with them. Just observe and accept them.
Then, as the present witness, we can remain calm and present, and through clarity rather than anger, we can see the best path forward. Hurtful situations don’t need to cause us hurt when we can see the big picture in these small moments. We can respond with strength and compassion. Over time, every act of kindness we take will help lead to a kinder world.
Tip 4) Practice Mindfulness
Q: Dear Todd, my problem is that my anger just pops out suddenly; I am as surprised as anyone around. It’s as if I have seething rage inside me that I mostly keep covered, but I have no control over it. I am grateful that I’ve never had children because, although I don’t have rage attacks very often, I have no control over their appearances.
Todd Answers: That is very common and it’s incredibly wonderful that you have become aware of some of those unconscious thoughts. The more we practice mindfulness and being present, the less we can get carried away by our emotions.
