Q: Dear Todd, some kid in my high school class is talking bad about me, and I don’t even know them. I don’t get it. I even showed my own mother, and she said, “What do you want me to do?” I feel like everyone is just against me. I feel like such an outsider everywhere I go. I’m always in the wrong, and I wish I could say I was a kind soul. I’m a mean person, and I’ve realized this and am trying to change, but when things like this happen, it makes it hard. I just want to be a better person who people actually love and respect. I just feel so alone. I really don’t feel like I have anyone, not even my own family. I’m trying to find out how to get over this feeling. I think as I’m getting older, I’m getting more emotional and understanding. I realize how arrogant I was when I was younger and how I didn’t appreciate enough. I just want a second chance, but no one is coming around. Any advice?

TODD ANSWERS: First, go easy on yourself. You’re only in high school. I am still evolving and learning every single day. And when I was in high school, I was not even as wise and self-aware as you.

I do understand how hard it is to feel all alone and to even not have family provide the support that families are supposed to give. What worked for me was recognizing how my desires and expectations were causing my suffering, not the circumstances. So I decided to embrace being a loner. I got to find out what I actually liked. But, I also made every stranger my best friend. I was super friendly with everyone, talked extra to baristas and waiters and anyone else I was near. This way I was still being social, even if those deep connections were missing. The more I just embraced reality, the happier I was and the more people wanted to be around me. As difficult as solitude can be, it is also a great opportunity to pursue your passions, to discover the peace and happiness within, and to become the person you know you are meant to be.