The present moment is never bad. It just is. Life just happens. Our mind is what is doing all the suffering. It is our negative thoughts, our negative emotions (which we create negative thoughts about), and our desire to escape the present situation that make situations intolerable.
When we are present, we are at peace, no matter what is happening around us. When we are thinking, especially when we are very stressed or anxious, our mind is chaotic. When we try to distract ourselves through mental escape, either through reminiscing or by engaging in some distractive activity, we subconsciously tell ourselves that we are in a bad situation, that we are deficient, and that we need our external situation to change in order to feel complete and whole.
The fact is, everything is always changing around us. If our happiness depends on good circumstances, life will always be a rollercoaster. But this constant change isn’t bad. It’s wonderful because it means that even undesirable circumstances will also end.
When we can step out of our head and into the present moment, we will always be at peace. In this blog, I will share how we can stay present, and why it’s essential for our wellbeing that we do.
How to Be Present When the Present Sucks
Being present takes practice. Just because most people’s minds are thinking constantly doesn’t mean that we can’t give it a rest.
A lot of times when we’re unhappy, we desperately want to think happy thoughts. This only makes us more unhappy because we are now trying to desperately force something that isn’t happening. Adding desperation to unhappiness is not a winning equation.
We cannot think our way out of unhappiness. There is no thought that can pull you out of it. It is just not as easy as thinking, “I am happy.” Instead of thinking happy thoughts, we need to experience the happiness that lies in being free from thoughts.
A moment of peace and presence is deeply joyful and relaxing. Even if for just a brief moment. There is no longing, no desire, and no resistance when we are present. This doesn’t mean we become motionless robots. We can still take action. In fact, we will act with greater wisdom because we are not panicking.
To become present, just pick one thing in your here and now to focus on. It can be your breath, whatever you’re looking at, your weight on the seat beneath you, or whatever your fingertips are touching. Pick something and give it your full attention. Explore it without labeling what you’re sensing. Pay attention as if you’ve never noticed it before. Look at every little detail, hear every little sound, feel every sensation.
Notice how just one moment of no thought opens up a spaciousness within you. Notice how the lack of thought creates mental rest and inner quiet. The more often you do this, the easier it becomes to stay in that meditative state.
Developing a regular meditation practice will also help make this new habit of being present stick. Over time, those moments of presence become longer and more frequent. Eventually, presence will become the new normal and you will only think when you need to deliberately plan, solve, or create something.
If I Am Mindful When the Present Sucks, It Will Just Make Me More Miserable
How do you know this is true? Is it possible that what is really making you miserable is the constant running away from difficult circumstances? What if all the misery comes from the inner conflict with reality and not reality itself?
Constantly running and fighting (even mentally) is exhausting and draining. Making peace with the suckiness of life brings to it an element of peace.
To embrace something means to move closer to it. To love something means to give it your full attention. So embracing doesn’t mean creating more misery. It means you let love dissolve the hatred and pain. This is the only way we can bring about change AND enjoy the journey.
How to Embrace Difficult Times
We only suffer that which we resist. When we understand that difficult times will come, we don’t hate them, we expect them. Be ready for difficulties when they come. They will come for all of us. Do not crave for a perfect life, that doesn’t exist. Crave what is. This will give you the inner stillness and clarity to tackle any challenge life throws your way.
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What If There Is Violent Abuse in My Present Moment?
Physical needs must be met before our spiritual needs can be met. If we don’t have food and starve to death, we won’t be able to meditate. Likewise if we are in physical danger, getting to safety is our first priority.
However, if we live in a place that is unsafe that we cannot escape from, there are lessons we can learn from the true masters of the martial arts. Many ancient Eastern traditions of the spiritual martial arts taught students how to stay present and centered when confronted with danger. The idea was to not lose oneself to anger, hatred or fear.
If they ever got into a dangerous situation that they couldn’t get out of, they avoid panic and remain calm, even while fighting. This is the most effective way to see every possible strategy, and employ the one that achieves the goal of preventing pain and suffering.
By staying present, we can both minimize our own suffering and keep our heads about us for when an opportunity arises to get out of our situation. A clear and calm head is always necessary to see how best we can change our circumstances.
Is Escape Ever OK?
Not every moment needs us to be present. The human mind deserves to enjoy entertainment and goof off as well. The key is that we are mindful about our escapism and to make sure our distractions are not harming our mental peace.
In today’s society, escape is the number one addiction on our planet. It seems nearly all of us are addicted to our screens. Technology has made escaping the present moment easier than ever. But this also makes our subconscious mind assume that the present moment is no good and worthy of escape. This is a big problem.
So be mindful of what your mind consumes, how it makes you feel, and how strong a pull it has on you. Every once in a while, take a screen detox and use that time for spiritual practices and to reassess your screen usage. I go into more detail about how to do this in my book, Digital Ego: A How-To Survival Guide for the Internet.
Question Answered in This Blog:
Q: Dear Todd, what if your “present” or “now moment” is you getting violently abused? Do you still enthusiastically embrace The Present?
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The Art of Gratitude | Short Film
Gratitude is the most important human emotion because it alone determines the quality of our life. This film is a roadmap back to our grateful hearts.
