Q: Dear Todd, my girlfriend told me she hates me and wants me to die a horrible death. Should I forgive her?

TODD ANSWERS: Forgive her, yes. Break up with her, maybe also yes (although that’s a personal decision only you can make). The definition of forgive is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. It doesn’t mean telling them you forgive them. It doesn’t mean pretending like the offense never happened or that it was OK.

Forgiveness means to stop letting the past ruin the present moment. It means to stop accumulating every offense we’ve ever experienced. We don’t have to forgive, but holding onto anger often makes us bitter, jaded, angry, and we will be unable to fully heal and move forward. When that happens, we either become outwardly angry; or we mask our anger through substances, denial which leads to physical and mental issues, or harmful behaviors.