Repressed emotions are one of the greatest, if not the greatest, cause of physical pain and illness in our society. For example, over 90% of all doctor visits are stress-related. This is because we are not releasing our stress in healthy ways.
Nothing about spirituality should imply we need to “look the other way,” “stuff down your emotions,” or “pretend like negativity is not there.” Mindfulness is about becoming aware of our thoughts and emotions, giving ourselves the time and space to process them, inspect them, and heal from them.
Letting go and bringing mindfulness to our emotions may look like suppression, but in reality, they are about overcoming the fear of these dark places, facing them head-on, and discovering for yourself that they don’t serve you, that you don’t need those negative emotions, and when you are ready to move on, you can let them go gently and without holding on to any anger or judgment.
Here’s how we can do exactly that.
Repressed Anger Versus Suppressed Anger
The difference between these two types of anger are subtle but very important. They have different causes and they take over different parts of our lives. Both can lead to uncontrolled anger and temper issues. We can have one of these types, both, or neither. To lead truly fulfilling lives, we must learn how to properly release whatever kind of anger we’re holding onto.
Repressed Anger
Repressed anger and emotions lie deep in our subconscious mind and physical body. We are not aware of them and they do enormous damage in our lives. From chronic pain to heart disease and illness, these unprocessed emotions can fester beneath the surface of our conscious awareness and wreak all kinds of havoc in our lives.
To deal with repressed emotions, we must do two things:
- Become an emotion detective.
This means we really notice our thoughts. We must look for clues in our mind and in our lives. What do we avoid? What do we spend a lot of time dreadfully thinking about? What in our past was a pivotal moment? What were the really big, painful moments that we may think didn’t affect us, but if they happened to someone else we would know that was indeed quite traumatic? - Practice healthy outlets for our inner rage.
The good news is, more important than finding out the cause of our emotions is simply to release them. This looks like yoga, meditation, and carving out more time for peace in our lives, whether it’s walks in nature, art, talking with friends and family, or even just staring out the window. By connecting with our mind and body, by shutting out stress-inducing entertainment and news, and by focusing on relaxing our body, mind and breath, we can defuse the anger we carry with us.
Suppressed Anger
Suppressed anger is the kind we consciously stuff down and suppress. We drown it out most often through pleasure or distraction. We’ll drink, party, smoke, gossip, shop, gamble, overwork, overeat, or disappear into endless entertainment consumption.
A healthy amount of suppressed anger and emotions are essential to a normal and happy life. We can’t just scream at our coworkers, so we’ll suppress our emotions. If we’re going through a tragedy in our lives, we don’t want to cry at work at work all day, so we’ll suppress our grief until we can process our emotions when we get home.
There is a large range of healthy and unhealthy ways to suppress our emotions. But prolonged suppression leads to addiction and unprocessed anger and emotions. Keeping that anger and those heavy emotions inside of us will only bottle it up temporarily and it will eventually explode
What Happens When Anger Is Suppressed?
When anger is suppressed, our resentments grow. We may think we’re making our lives easier by avoiding confrontation, but this is only exchanging short term peace for long term pain. It is like slapping a bandaid on a broken arm. It may feel like it’s doing something, but it is not.
Instead of shoving down our anger or trying to avoid it, we have to face our anger soberly, peacefully, and lovingly. This is how we can deal with any confrontation no matter how infuriating it may be.
Ultimately, the more we look at our anger, the more we’ll realize that only our mind-constructed ego was bruised, that anger doesn’t serve us, and it will dissolve in our loving embrace.
How To Stop Anger Outbursts
An anger outburst is something that happens automatically. It’s not something we consciously choose to do. We never look good doing it, it always hurts our argument, and then even if we were right, we’re wrong.
To prevent this unconscious reaction, we have to mentally prepare and create the conditions for wise, present, thoughtful responses to happen instead of anger outbursts. We do this through practice.
Since most of us won’t be able to have a friend yell and berate us in order to practice positive responses, we can do this just as powerfully through visualization.
How To Release Suppressed Anger
Inner anger, whether it’s suppressed or repressed, is a storm of chaotic energy in our body and mind that must be released if we want to live happy and healthy lives. Not shoved down, not drowned out, not masked over, and not through denial either.
Here’s how. When we are really raging, we need to turn that anger into curiosity. Rage is “I’ve already jumped to conclusions.” Curiosity is realizing we are one, limited perspective. Rage is, “What the hell is their problem.” Curiosity is, “I wonder what kind of problems they’re going through?”
When we start asking questions, anger naturally turns into peacefulness. Upon further inspection, we will realize in every single case that the other person is a byproduct of their environment and their genetics, neither of which they had any control over.
Every act of cruelty is pain that is overspilling from one person to another. When we see this, we can genuinely become compassionate and loving. And love heals all.
This doesn’t mean naively forgiving someone when you’re not ready. It means getting to that place of inner calm. It doesn’t mean letting an abuser abuse you. It means getting to a safe place, and not allowing the abuser inside your body and mind.
To release anger on a deep level, we have to genuinely get to that place of love. The ego wants to be right, the ego wants vengeance, the ego wants to take up all your energy at the expense of your inner peace. Love lets all of that egoic anger go.
Breathe, relax your muscles and jaw, get moving (take a walk, go to the gym, dance, etc) as this naturally gets that stuck energy moving through us, change locations and engage in a different task. Once you’re calmer, start asking questions about the situation, see it from other points of view, and think about what action can best remedy the situation. What can you say and how can you say it in the best way possible that honors your truth and makes the situation better.
Wise action with inner stillness is the best way to release repressed and suppressed anger.
How NOT To Release Suppressed Anger
Controversial take here. A lot of people will say screaming into a pillow, punching a punching bad, punching the air, or going to a smash room are the best way to release anger. And while I do understand that can feel very good in the moment, I don’t recommend it. Here’s why.
Whatever we do, we create a neural pathway in the brain. The more we do it, the stronger that neural pathway becomes. If we do it often enough, that action becomes a habit. We develop such a strong neural pathway that we do the action automatically and without thought. It becomes deeply ingrained in our personality and we have a very hard time unlearning it.
Taking up the martial arts is different. In a martial arts class, we are learning self-defense, but not as a tool to release our anger. If we start screaming and getting violent when we get angry, it’s more likely that we will respond this way to someone when they make us angry.
This is why the best martial artists stay perfectly calm during a fight. When we are calm and present, we are more focused and alert. Self defense is a wonderful skill to have. But developing the habit as an outlet for rage can be a deadly combination.
When we practice healthy ways to release our anger, calm and presence become the habit. And that is what will completely change our lives for the better.
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