Q: Dear Todd, So, do we just avoid and walk away without commenting, do we just nod and show compassion with simple words without true feeling? I need to know how to respond exactly. I live with one chronic complainer currently and can’t get away so simply yet. I mean, I could, but only in a situation that I don’t feel is a ton better and not without a lot of conflict and feeling bad about it. It’s a complicated situation for me that I’m not quite ready to leave as my boyfriend and I both live with her and she is in poor health. Granted my boyfriend has his own issues too, that I don’t think he is willing to put the work into fixing, but I’m still somewhat hopeful. I do know that it’s all making it very hard for me to keep doing my own growth and healing. Trying to learn to set boundaries and enforce consequences, but struggle with realizing my own worth and value fully. I’m a work in progress.

Todd Answers: I totally understand. Each moment may require a different response. You may need to muster all of your compassion in order to calmly say I need some space or I need to be alone for just a little bit. Other times you may be able to hold a peaceful space that neither drains you nor feeds the complainers. You just have to keep listening to your heart.