While some people block out troubling memories, others live with painful memories their whole lives. But it’s not about whether we forget or remember, it’s about whether we have healed from our past. A painful past only stays painful if we haven’t healed. But over time, with patience and self-love, with reflection and introspection, we can heal from anything.

The problem is, painful memories don’t just stay in our head. They live in our whole body. They manifest as short choppy breathing, elevated blood pressure, and constricted blood vessels. And so we need our mind to communicate with our body that we are safe, that the painful past is over, and that we are ready to recover.

While it may seem like it’d be better to distract ourselves from the pain, the more time we give ourselves to sit with our painful thoughts and feelings, the faster the healing can take place. We must accept before we can move on. We must tend to our wounds if we are to heal. Drinking, drugs, entertainment, sex, social media, work and gambling will only delay our recovery. And to recover, we need love, and there is no one better to get it from than ourselves. We are always with ourselves, and so we must be our own teacher, healer, and greatest source of love and support. And you’re worth all the self-love in the world.